Mind
Shortly after beginning the medication, I participated in an intensive outpatient program. This program met three days a week, for four or five hours a day. It, along with regular individual therapy, helped me to understand the thinking and behavior patterns which had kept me stuck. When I entered the program, my mind was so cluttered with those faulty patterns that I would have been unable to begin a spiritual journey, even if I had tried. I had to clear them out.
“Happiness does not depend on what happens outside of you, but what happens inside of you.”
– Harold B. Lee
Some of the tools I was given made it possible to do my job with more peace of mind. The tools included:
Recognizing Cognitive Distortions. “Cognitive distortions” are our tendencies or patterns of viewing ourselves and the world around us in the worst possible light. The distortions are almost always false and inaccurate, and they can cause psychological damage, leading to stress, anxiety, and/or depression.
Self-compassion. More often than not, we have compassion for others but have difficulty showing compassion for ourselves. For instance, the harsh words we use on ourselves would be words we would never say to a close friend. Practicing self-compassion helps us to be kind to ourselves even when we make mistakes.
Self-esteem. “Self-esteem” is “a way of thinking, feeling and acting that implies that [we] accept, respect, and believe in [ourselves].” When we have self-esteem, we no longer believe that our worth or value depends upon proving ourselves or on what others think.
Radical Acceptance. “Radical acceptance” is a five-step process that allows us to respond to unpleasant situations in a less painful way. Although radical acceptance is not intended as a “bypass” for grief, when we practice it, we recognize the truth of the old Buddhist saying, “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”
Affirmations. “Affirmations” are phrases or statements we repeat to ourselves to help us shift our thinking in ways that improve our lives. Affirmations can be neutral, i.e., “I am present” or positive, i.e., “I am capable.” When we use them regularly, we eliminate the automatic negative self-talk we resort to whenever we feel we have done something “wrong.”
Setting Healthy Boundaries. When we have healthy or “intact” boundaries, we maintain a proper balance between protecting ourselves and being open to others. There are four types of boundaries, all of which are equally important: physical, cognitive, emotional, and behavioral.
Assertive Communication Skills. When we communicate in an assertive manner, we are honoring ourselves and the other person. We are not blaming or judging, and we are willing to compromise so both people are satisfied with the results.
Defining our Values and Goals. “Values,” our core beliefs, are ongoing and affect how we determine our goals. Goals are best achieved by making them as specific as possible and breaking them down into smaller, more manageable parts.
If any of this resonates with you, reach out to schedule a no-cost phone or Zoom call. I look forward to hearing from you.